Move on? why not?

Have you ever thought of letting go of the past and move on? Have you? Well honestly, it’s difficult to.

Aren’t you sick of living in the past? Feeling sucky every single night? Hoping to see his/her name appearing on your phone screen? Hoping for something that’s impossible? Waiting for miracles?

Well I am sick and tired of hoping all these. Well, I’ve finally let go of the past. But I still go back there and take a look. It’s fine looking back at those good ol’ days, memories. But we ourselves knows that it’ll never gonna come back. Right? So, why not move on? You’ll never know what’s waiting for you in the future. Isn’t it? You’ll never know what’s gonna happen. Maybe you’ll find someone better OR maybe you’ll find someone EVEN better? Stop thinking about those negative things, happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts alright? Life’s good. Start looking for something new. Throw away the old things, you don’t need them anymore. See, if that person don’t need you in their life why are you hoping for him/her to be back? It’s plain stupid. You can seek for your own happiness by yourself. But we’re all stubborn freaks, not being able to let go of the past and hoping for miracles. But look, what if miracles don’t happen? What if you waste your time waiting for something that is not gonna happen? Take a risk, don’t take things so seriously. 50-50. If you’re the stubborn type, well while hoping for miracles seek for your happiness too! You’ll never know what’s gonna happen. And try to move on because it’s stupid to keep yourself hanging there all by yourself. So, people. Cheer up and move on if you think it’s worthless. You’ll be happy in time! xo

P.S : I’m over you but I still can’t forget those memories. But I’m alright and I’m proud of myself for that.

P.P.S : I found some meaningful photo about “moving on”. Look below! xo

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation trying to pus the pieces together, justfying what could’ve, would’ve happened. OR, you can just leave the pieces on the floor and MOVE THE FUCK ON.

I hate myself. Every piece of me.

“There’s nothing worse than the things you feel, the numbness spreading through your body at night. the soundless screams fill up your head as nightmares take over the world in your mind”

I hate how I feel about myself. I feel empty, I feel fat(I am fat), I feel confused with my own feelings, I feel hurt, I feel numb, I feel tired, I feel like I’m only temporary to certain people. I don’t feel like me. No, it’s not that nobody appreciates me. Yes, I know my best friend do. But you know that sucky feeling? When you have no one to turn to? Well I do have someone to turn to. Yet I do not know where to start and how to start. There fore, I’m always bottling up my stuffs. I know that’s not good well this is the reason why people have blogs. And my blog is public. It’s not I’m trying to gain fame or whatsoever shit. I am just trying to find somewhere to rant and I hope I’m not the only person feeling this way. I shouldn’t. I can’t. I don’t deserve it. I am a fat load and I disgust myself. I hate looking into the mirror. I take up too much space. I am a waste. I am truly unhappy. I guess I am putting on such a good act that even I myself don’t know when I’m truly happy anymore. It sucks. I am not trying to gain sympathy or whatsoever. God, I’m feeling so paranoid right now and I do not know why. Fucking hate this feeling so bad. It’s like, I really want to go to the fucking kitchen and grab a knife and you know stab myself. But oh well, I do not have the courage to do so. So, I’ll continue living. Remember when I said I was fine? Yes. I am fine. I do not know how to explain this but do you guys actually know that feeling when you yourself know you’re alright but somehow somewhere there’s this awful feeling stuck in your heart? For me, it’s not about love nor friendship nor family. It’s something in my heart that refuse to let me open up and throw it away farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away. It’s terrible. I know someday, I’ll manage to find what’s going on in my heart. Or maybe it’s my mind? I’m so tired. Tired of yelling, being sad, pretending, being alone, being angry, feeling crazy, feeling stuck, needing help, remembering, missing things, being different, missing people, feeling worthless, feeling empty inside, wishing I could start all over again, dreaming of a life I will never have, I’m just tired of being fucking tired.

When You....

I bet you know how’s these feelings,
When you think you were their friend ;
When you think they need you :
When you think you have to go through the pain for them,
When you think their world would stop for your problem,
When you think they’d put their effort to understand you,
When you think they’re gonna find you when you’re hiding,
When you think they would catch you when you’re falling ,
When you think they would guide you when you’re blind,
When you think they would fix you,
When you think they would try to brace you when yours full of fear.
When you think they would hug you when you’re cold,
When you think they’re going to cheer you when you need to be,
When you think they would missing you when you’re not around,
When you think they would picking up your shattered heart..But when you about to stop thinking about them, do memories remind you ??

one year of my dreams

now I class IX or nine or also 9 junior high school. I’ll soon in a senior high school, and in this third grade I had a plan, that is:
1. Make my parents proud of me.
2. I get the best values ​​and rankings are enough good
3. Admission to the a senior high school expected
4. Graduating junior high school with a value of 100% satisfactory
5. Have the best vacation times during my life
6. More and more people love me and love me
7. My life getting better
8. London!
9. Can change my behavior to be more-more-more-more grown again
and last ….
10. And all that good

he likes that girl.

He likes that girl. errr, I don’t think this sentence looks good or not, but, the meaning point, I already know that boy, who I love, love the other girl in my school I don’t know what feeling is this. I don’t know if I’m jealous or not, but, argh. awkay, lets say I don’t even know him, I don’t know why I must be fall in love with that guy. yeah, the important thing, I just like and love him with my heart. ew. I hate to say this. but, that’s my feeling. I try to keep this feeling, I try not to think of him, but its just hurt me if I try to forget all about him, example, his smile, his adorable FACE, his coolness? his cute and warm eyes.


GOD. puhlease! tell me one reason why I must stop thinking about him, I always smile and laugh if I saw his expression.

GOD.

I grew up. Suddenly I have all these responsibilities on my shoulders. When did that happen? I’m here now, realizing I have taken my childhood for granted. I want it back. Adulthood is a lonely, scary place. How the hell did I get here?

I look around, and everyone else seems to be doing just fine. They don’t have it easy. Hell, some of them have it even harder. They’re all so courageous. They are survivors. Maybe I am too. I’m still here. I’m right here. If life were a battlefield, I’d be one of those soldiers who survives peeing in their pants. Or the ones who go a little nuts. People are built different. I just wish I was more. I wish I was fearless.
I remember in sunday school we were thought that God loves us very much. He is our best friend. He will never leave us, He is always with us no matter what. That we should never feel alone because He is our rock. When I was that kid I don’t remember worrying about anything because I knew God is with me. I felt so safe and my faith gave me strength.
I guess things got complicated as I grow older because things aren’t as simple and happy as they were in sunday school. Life is tough, and as time goes by I get to feel its lashes. When I get really helpless I talk to the walls hoping God will listen, hoping it would change something. I never feel any better, it just makes me feel more alone.
I wanna believe again. I wanna feel like I can count on my God again. I wanna feel like I have someone with me, watching over me, and I’m never alone. I wanna feel like with God, I can overcome any obstacles in my path. I do, I really want to. I wanna be that kid again. I need to be that kid again.
I don’t wanna be here. It sickens me that I’m here

Sometimes when I wake up,

I feel like I’m still sleeping.
I feel like all the colors and shapes in the world have collided
and all I can do is just sit there and watch.I think a person’s heart has a way of turning off when it can’t find reason.
I guess that’s why nature has always had an inspiring presence.
Everything follows a purpose.
I guess we’re missing something.
Why do we struggle to breathe a more righteous breath
when we all end up in the same place.
I’d like to hope our history is worth remembering.
An imprint of careful design,
a feeling of heartfelt purpose,
and a sense of hope for something bigger than ourselves.
Then, maybe I’ll wake up.