Hanya bisa berkata disini.

Semua orang ingin kemewahan, semua orang ingin kesenangan, semua orang senang bersenang-senang……. Tapi itu semua membuat semua orang lupa akan Tuhan YME Yang memberikan semua yang kita miliki
Belajar untuk selalu bersyukur, belajar untuk menerima apa adanya yang kita miliki, walaupun kadang kita selalu lupa bersyukur, tapi mulailah dari sekarang … Apa yang kita miliki di dunia ini tidaklah kekal.
Dan kadang bersyukur itu sulit, belajar, dan terus belajar , karena belajar merupakan kehidupan kita
Teman, gue mungkin jahat, mengomentari kalian di belakang kalian, karena gue hanya ingin kalian menjadi gadis yang murni, tidak menyombongkan apa yang kalian pikir itu hebat, dan kalian harus bisa belajar bersyukur, karena hidup kalian lebih indah dibandingkan gue … karena kalian memiliki apa yang gue gak miliki … Kalian beruntung! Dan jangan terus merasa itu buruk, berpikirlah itu lebih baik, maka akan menjadi lebih baik .

a smile....

A smile costs nothing, but gives much-
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it usually lasts forever.
None are so rich that can get along without it-
And none are so poor but that can be made rich by it.

It enriches those who receive, without making poor those who give-
It creates sunshine in the home,
Fosters good will in business,
And is the best antidote for trouble-
And yet it cannot be begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value
Unless it is given away.

Some people are too busy to give you a smile-
Give them one of yours-
For the good Lord knows that no one needs a smile so badly
As he or she who has no more smiles left to give.

sepertinya aku menyukaimu…

“Tahukah kamu aku mulai menikmati setiap senyum yang kau berikan kepadaku? menikmati candaan yang kau ucapkan, dan tatapan hangat yang membuatku jatuh di perasaan itu. Tahukah kamu aku mulai memendam rasa kepadamu, dari awal kita bertemu hingga akhirnya aku merasakan perasaan yang tidak seharusnya aku rasakan kepadamu…”

Tak ada hal yang lain yang bisa aku ungkapkan ketika melihat dan mendengar nama-mu. Aku ingin kamu tidak mengetahui apa yang sebenarnya aku rasakan, karena aku belum tau apa maksud hatiku. Nyaman, tenang…… mungkin tidak bisa aku ungkapkan dengan kata-kata, yang jelas itu lah yang aku rasakan. Tak menentu. Aku selalu menahan degupan jantungku yang tak beraturan. Aku seringkali memerhatikan dirimu dari kejauhan, tersenyum melihatmu tertawa karena candaan dan kelelahan. Aku mulai tercebur kedalam hatimu lalu terpeleset dalam aliran darahmu. Salahkah aku merasakan semua itu?

1 bulan, 2 bulan, 3 bulan, dan aku juga kamu masih tetap ada dalam ikatan ‘teman’. Hanya kamu yang mengitari otakku dan selalu mengganggu imajinasi dan pikiranku detik demi detik, menit demi menit, jam demi jam, bahkan hari demi hari. Tanpa kusadari, namamu ku selipkan di baris-baris doaku.

Menatap handphone kesayanganku menunggu getaran yang menampakkan namamu. Mengecek bbm setiap saat hanya untuk menunggu “PING!!!” atau sekedar bbm membahas hal lain. Tapi aku tidak kecewa, karena berbicara denganmu lah yang aku inginkan.

Sepertinya aku merasakan itu…
Pada setiap ucapan yang kau ucapkan membuatku merasa tenang.
Sepertinya aku merasakan itu…
Ketika aku masih bisa tersenyum saat bangun pagi hingga tidur malamku, aku selalu mendoakan mu.
Sepertinya aku menyukaimu…
Pada setiap senyuman dan tatapan yang kau berikan kepada ku seolah-olah memberi tahu-ku ‘semua akan baik-baik saja’
Sepertinya aku menyukaimu…

Dengan isyarat yang kau perlihatkan kepadaku, dan pada bayang dirimu yang berhasil mengundang tanda tanya. Tahukah kamu aku mulai menikmati setiap senyum yang kau berikan kepadaku? menikmati candaan yang kau ucapkan, dan tatapan hangat yang membuatku jatuh di perasaan itu. Tahukah kamu aku mulai memendam rasa kepadamu, dari awal kita bertemu hingga akhirnya aku merasakan perasaan yang tidak seharusnya aku rasakan kepadamu. Aku menganggapmu bukan sekedar teman, agar aku yakin apa yang aku rasakan sekarang, walaupun itu nantinya berakhir menyakitkan. Tapi apa kau tau, aku merasakan perasaan yang menurutku salah? Harus menyakiti orang lain padahal belum tentu kamu orangnya. Bisa aku merasakan semua ini? Bisa aku menyukaimu tanpa ada sepotong hati yang terluka?

Here I Am

I hate inconsistent people. I hate people who made other people’s heart flutters friggin high but then let them fell freely. I hate people who made hope, but it was false hope. All in all, I hate people like you. BUT HERE I AM. Doing the same thing to other people, like what youdid to me. I do all these things i used to be against with. I do this, to the person who doesn’t even deserve to be treated like this. I did this. I hurt people.I don’t even know why i’m doing this. I have no intention of doing it, seriously. All I do was giving responses to the things I should respond. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m being this heartless girl. I don’t know.
I don’t know where my heart goes...

Move on? why not?

Have you ever thought of letting go of the past and move on? Have you? Well honestly, it’s difficult to.

Aren’t you sick of living in the past? Feeling sucky every single night? Hoping to see his/her name appearing on your phone screen? Hoping for something that’s impossible? Waiting for miracles?

Well I am sick and tired of hoping all these. Well, I’ve finally let go of the past. But I still go back there and take a look. It’s fine looking back at those good ol’ days, memories. But we ourselves knows that it’ll never gonna come back. Right? So, why not move on? You’ll never know what’s waiting for you in the future. Isn’t it? You’ll never know what’s gonna happen. Maybe you’ll find someone better OR maybe you’ll find someone EVEN better? Stop thinking about those negative things, happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts alright? Life’s good. Start looking for something new. Throw away the old things, you don’t need them anymore. See, if that person don’t need you in their life why are you hoping for him/her to be back? It’s plain stupid. You can seek for your own happiness by yourself. But we’re all stubborn freaks, not being able to let go of the past and hoping for miracles. But look, what if miracles don’t happen? What if you waste your time waiting for something that is not gonna happen? Take a risk, don’t take things so seriously. 50-50. If you’re the stubborn type, well while hoping for miracles seek for your happiness too! You’ll never know what’s gonna happen. And try to move on because it’s stupid to keep yourself hanging there all by yourself. So, people. Cheer up and move on if you think it’s worthless. You’ll be happy in time! xo

P.S : I’m over you but I still can’t forget those memories. But I’m alright and I’m proud of myself for that.

P.P.S : I found some meaningful photo about “moving on”. Look below! xo

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation trying to pus the pieces together, justfying what could’ve, would’ve happened. OR, you can just leave the pieces on the floor and MOVE THE FUCK ON.

I hate myself. Every piece of me.

“There’s nothing worse than the things you feel, the numbness spreading through your body at night. the soundless screams fill up your head as nightmares take over the world in your mind”

I hate how I feel about myself. I feel empty, I feel fat(I am fat), I feel confused with my own feelings, I feel hurt, I feel numb, I feel tired, I feel like I’m only temporary to certain people. I don’t feel like me. No, it’s not that nobody appreciates me. Yes, I know my best friend do. But you know that sucky feeling? When you have no one to turn to? Well I do have someone to turn to. Yet I do not know where to start and how to start. There fore, I’m always bottling up my stuffs. I know that’s not good well this is the reason why people have blogs. And my blog is public. It’s not I’m trying to gain fame or whatsoever shit. I am just trying to find somewhere to rant and I hope I’m not the only person feeling this way. I shouldn’t. I can’t. I don’t deserve it. I am a fat load and I disgust myself. I hate looking into the mirror. I take up too much space. I am a waste. I am truly unhappy. I guess I am putting on such a good act that even I myself don’t know when I’m truly happy anymore. It sucks. I am not trying to gain sympathy or whatsoever. God, I’m feeling so paranoid right now and I do not know why. Fucking hate this feeling so bad. It’s like, I really want to go to the fucking kitchen and grab a knife and you know stab myself. But oh well, I do not have the courage to do so. So, I’ll continue living. Remember when I said I was fine? Yes. I am fine. I do not know how to explain this but do you guys actually know that feeling when you yourself know you’re alright but somehow somewhere there’s this awful feeling stuck in your heart? For me, it’s not about love nor friendship nor family. It’s something in my heart that refuse to let me open up and throw it away farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away. It’s terrible. I know someday, I’ll manage to find what’s going on in my heart. Or maybe it’s my mind? I’m so tired. Tired of yelling, being sad, pretending, being alone, being angry, feeling crazy, feeling stuck, needing help, remembering, missing things, being different, missing people, feeling worthless, feeling empty inside, wishing I could start all over again, dreaming of a life I will never have, I’m just tired of being fucking tired.

When You....

I bet you know how’s these feelings,
When you think you were their friend ;
When you think they need you :
When you think you have to go through the pain for them,
When you think their world would stop for your problem,
When you think they’d put their effort to understand you,
When you think they’re gonna find you when you’re hiding,
When you think they would catch you when you’re falling ,
When you think they would guide you when you’re blind,
When you think they would fix you,
When you think they would try to brace you when yours full of fear.
When you think they would hug you when you’re cold,
When you think they’re going to cheer you when you need to be,
When you think they would missing you when you’re not around,
When you think they would picking up your shattered heart..But when you about to stop thinking about them, do memories remind you ??