2013

2013 JUST STARTED , THERE ARE 3 MONTHS LEFT UNTIL 2014 DID I REALLY JUST SPEND 9 MONTHS SO FAR DOING NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND NOT REALIZE THIS !!! duh...

I swear everything I'm in this year is nothing but drama.

Surat dari orang yang jatuh cinta diam-diam

Cinta, pada awalnya kamu hanyalah sabda. Obsesi tak bernama dari seorang gadis muda yang banyak gaya. Perjalanan kita dimulai dari setiap aliran darah di dalam kepala, lalu ia bertransformasi, siang jadi khayal, malam jadi mimpi. Menjadi bunga yang merekah luar biasa indah, hingga seluruh inderaku rela tertidur terus demi mimpi yang tak putus.

Tak pernah kubayangkan, Cinta, akan kutemukan kamu ada nyata. Sungguh tak pernah kuduga walaupun aku selalu menanti. Aku bahagia, Cinta, hanya bisa mengenalmu. Hati kecilku pun tahu, aku tak seharusnya menikmati keadaan ini. Pikiranku juga tahu, aku pantas dapat yang lebih baik dari itu. Sesuatu yang tak akan pernah bisa kudapat darimu.

Dalam hidup ini ada dua jenis manusia yang kita temui: mereka yang akan tinggal dan mereka yang akan pergi. Jalan kita telah bersinggungan. Tapi rupanya ini bukan akhir dari persimpangan. Masih kucoba untuk mengerti, mengapa harus kamu orang yang ditakdirkan untuk pergi melanjutkan perjalananmu sendiri sampai kau temui orang lain lagi, persimpangan lain lagi.

Aku bosan berjalan dan lari. Sendiri. Kamu juga sendiri. Lalu buat apa kamu harus pergi? Bukankah perjalanan ini telah begitu melelahkan bagimu dan bagiku?

Aku ingin tinggal di sini, Cinta, mendirikan kemah di padangmu, tanah terjanji yang kucari bertahun-tahun lamanya. Yang hijau rumputnya dan bening sungainya. Kanaan yang selalu kuimpikan.

Adakah kamu tahu, setiap kali aku mengingatmu rasa itu terus membuncah dalam diriku. Rasa yang berubah menjadi sebutir embuh ringkih. Kukunci rapat-rapat dalam sebuah kotak kaca, agar kamu hanya bisa melihatnya saja. Aku takut, kalau nanti dibuka kamu akan memecahkannya.

Kalau memang tak bisa memilikimu, Cinta, izinkan aku mencintai diam-diam saja. Tak akan kudirikan kemah yang megah di Kanaan, cukup bersembunyi di balik pepohonan, mendamba padang berumput hijau dan sungai berair bening dari kejauhan. Ketika nanti musim berganti, padang itu tertutup salju dan sungai itu membeku, cari aku di balik pohon itu. Masih ada tempat untukmu.

Masalah klasik.

Pernah gak sih lo naksir senior lo? bukan anggota OSIS ataupun anggota eskul yang lo ikutin. Melainkan senior yang hanya kebetulan ketemu dan dari pertemuan itu lo langsung suka. Gue contohnya. Disekolah baru ini, gue bukan anak yang famous, bukan juga bagian OSIS, bukan juga anak yg hobi keluar kelas. Gue lebih suka diam dikelas, dengar-in lagu atau gak do something, lah.  

Nah, kapan lo ketemu senior yang yg lo maksud?

Gue ketemu dia di hari pertama MOS. Bukan pas pra-MOS ya. Awalnya ketemu gue cuma biasa aja. Belum feel something. Tapi pas hari ke-dua, gue sempat berdiri di belakang dia dan hal pertama yg ada di pikiran gue "tinggi banget." dan waktu gue liat dia senyum, gue langsung kagum. Tapi nih galaunya gue, gue gak pernah bisa kenal sama kakak kelas gue itu.
Kenapa lo gak bisa kenal? Lo manusia juga, sama kayak teman-teman dia.
Iya emang gue manusia. Gue punya ketakutan tersendiri sama yang namanya mengenal orang, dan gue itu terlalu malu. Mau ngapa-ngapain pasti tangan gue gemeteran/keringat dingin. Gue sama kakak kelas juga terlalu patuh. Takut cari masalah lebih tepatnya. Urat malu gue juga masih ke-ikat, belum putus. Biarpun disekolah (nanti) gue jadi kakak kelas, gue selalu merasa gue adalah adik kelas. Nah loh, bingung kan? 
Do something, dong!
Selama gue di SMA ini, ya paling yang gue lakuin cuma ngeliat dia dari jauh, ketemu di parkiran. DAN gue gak jarang main ke-kelas teman gue yang memang kelasnya cukup dekat dengan kelas kakak kelas yang gue maksud. Gue bukan orang yang berani senyum atau nyapa orang yang gak gue kenal, meskipun gue tau dia siapa.

Permasalahan teman-teman gue adalah.: gue kalau ketemu dia, pasti deh langsung megangin tangan orang disamping gue,senyum-senyum sendiri, dan takut. Mungkin sebagian kakak kelas gue nganggap gue sedikit gila, but who cares? I always get scared when i see 'him'. I care what he thinks about me, and i don't want to do anything stupid. Meskipun dia gak kenal gue. Masalah klasik. Tapi nih, hampir setiap hari teman-teman gue komentarin gue "kalau ketemu biasa aja" atau "gak usah begini juga kali zla. Ketahuan ntar." dan yang paling gue ingat "kita diliatin kakak kelas". Buat teman-teman baik gue, maaf ya. Gue yakin kalau lo ngalamin apa yang gue alamin lo pasti bakal ngelakuin hal yang sama seperti gue. Dan gue berterima kasih atas tangan-tangan lo semua yang rela temanin gue ke kantin cuma untuk ketemu sama kakak kelas itu. A best friend isn't someone who's just always there for you. It's someone who understands you a bit more than you understand yourself. Dan itu benar adanya. Teman-teman gue lebih mengerti semua yang gue lakuin, daripada gue sendiri. I cannot thank God enough for my best friends Devi and Syifa and my new friends, arkhi and ismi.

DAN TERAKHIR cuma mau bilang....

to 'kakak kelas yang gue maksud' : I have had feelings for you for a long, long time now. Like, i’ve had small crushes before, but none make me smile enough like you. I like you, and you don’t know it. What a usual sad story that happens to all the people who are afraid to be rejected. I know you’ll never read this, and i know you’ll never know, but you are always on my mind, even though i’m most likely not on yours. I just wish i could have the guts to tell or even show you how i feel. But i guess for now, i’ll have to just be happy with being strangers cause i know that’s all we’ll ever be. And I’d rather have that than nothing.

Best,
Nazla Asrin :)

Deep Question from E-mail

I don’t know where the last months have gone!  It’s been one of those months where i think about blogging all the time, but somehow it doesn’t happen. Study is going to stay busy for the next month or so and then hopefully i have a little more time to breathe (and BlOG!).

Barusan gue abis nge-check e-mail gue. dan akhirnya gue menemukan some questions yang dikirimin salah-satu teman chatting gue. Gue juga gak tau dia dapat dari mana. Tapi jelas banget pertanyaan ini buat gue bingung jawabnya. Here's the questions:

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Both its hard. i am not the kinda person to show my feelings so when i do its hard to look into the persons eyes.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? July 4th. Everything was wrong at that minute. I'm great now. :)

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?  whoaa, enough time for what? for the plane to land? for the fire to get fixed? for the plane to blow up?!?! anyway, i guess in the end i would call my friend NurHikmah, her number is the only number i remember besides my own and knowing my parents, they probably won't get it, or they would want to have a long conversation on why i got on the plane in the first place and why i am on a flight from honolulu to chicago. haha

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? I would tell my close family, but that’s it, because i wouldn’t want to be treated differently by my friends. I’d probably go about my days doing things i’ve always wanted to do, such as traveling, visiting friends, spending as much time with the people i care about. i would definitely be afraid but at that point there’d be nothing i could do about it so i wouldn’t waste time worrying.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust! Well i would have to pick trust....without trust there is no true love #eaaa

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? Without a second thought save the dog. I could not live with my self knowing that I let a dog die. And if a boss fired me for that, that isn't someone I would want to work for. This is the key problem, I AM A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? the ones i love the most is the one i trust the most so either way i still would be hurt ;)

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? It could work or it couldn't, but if i want my best friend to stay, its better not to have a romantic relationship, because if it goes wrong i may lose a dear best friend...

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? Without a second thought. I would have an hour to tell my bestfriend how much i love him. 

10. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I never really tell people how I honestly feel.

11. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? Sweet foods................. because they are so incredibly addicting and delicious.

12. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? Umm not really sure everything Always happens for a reason ..

13. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? I don't ever really expect anything in return unless you include kindness in return...

14. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? I would choose true love with a broken heart 'cause I think it's better to be able to feel more human emotions in your life time than less.

15. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? I think i should become what i want to, not what my father or mother thinks. My parents forced me into nurse or midwife, although it wasn't my first choice i went with my parents. I do love the job but my ambition was to be a doctor. I advise you guys to make your own decisions, and good luck!!! 

Naaah!! Itu pertanyaan dan jawaban versi gue. Kalau jawaban versi lo bagaimana?

Philosophy

Philosophy #5

personally i grew up living a life where there could be different ways of viewing things and many different outcomes for things so usually when someone says or does something or when something happens i’m uncertain about it because of all the different things it could’ve possibly meant which is why i always seem stupid

Where's the promise we make?

Maybe my life's not worse than yours. Some envy it, some not. I'm happy and also sad.
Friend. I have friend that I can really rely on. Yes, friend. Just that one friend that I can really trust on. That I can express my emotions. I don't need lot's of friend when pretty much most of them are just bunch of hypocrite. I'm sorry if I'm being rude. But be realistic, people talk behind you. You know nothing and being good to them until the day you know the truth and lastly, hurt yourself. I know not all people are 'bad', but this generation, it's hard to find one that's actually care.
Boyfie. Currently in a crisis. Hoping for things to get better.
Family. Same as usual. You know how others sometimes go out with their family? Not in my case. I'm used to it.
School. See no need for schooling. Hope I'll pass this year, though.
Mood. Random, I'm disappointed in myself.
I guess that's pretty much how my life goes right now. Lifeless, huh? How yours?

Kamu

Pertemuan pertama kita terekam jelas di otakku. Aku sering memainkan adegan itu dalam gerak lambat. Mengingat, mereka, dan merasakan setiap helai gerakanmu. Ingatkah kamu, waktu itu aku hampir celaka? Kamu ada di sana. Aku ada di sana. Terluka.

Kini, aku hanya ingin menghentikan waktu, dan memfigurakan senyummu yang selalu mampu membuatku tenang. Walau dalam badai, meski dalam tangis, dan senja merah yang manis.

Mungkin kita adalah dua sisi koin yang ditakdirkan berpasangan. Mungkin di saat seperti ini, kita baru paham seperti apa bentuk rindu yang menelusup pelan. Disaat diam. Disaat hening. Disaat malam.

Jika rasa ini memang nyata, maka ajari aku, tetap melaju tapi tak terjebak waktu. Tetap berpusar tanpa harus terlempar. Tetap mengalir tanpa harus berpikir

Kamu. Ketika rumus fisika majal, matematika menemui ajal, kimia tak lagi berguna, dan biologi hanya kata tanpa arti. Kamu, ketika cinta menjelma menjadi satu definisi. Pasti.